Migrate from Bash to JavaScript

[heartsucker]

node-deb started as a 130 line bash script and then proceeded to get totally out of control, and I learned bash tricks no human should have to learn. Specifically there's a whole bunch of black magic fuckery being done with sed escaping sed output to pass to another sed just to allow for arbitrary substitutions. A """real""" language ain't gonna have these problems.

This ticket is going to dangle for a bit before I attempt this to see if anyone has any strong opinions on why this should stay as bash.