Updated Landlordisms

commands/baconcommand.py

@@ -0,0 +1,58 @@
+from string import Template
+import random
+
+class BaconCommand(object):
+
+	def __init__(self):
+
+		self.templates = [ 	Template("begrudgingly serves $name $bacon."),
+							Template("wangs a load of $bacon on the grill for $name."),
+							Template("trims the fat off some $bacon for $name."),
+							Template("brushes the fur off the $bacon for $name."),
+							Template("lovingly strokes $bacon before sexily laying it across the hot, naughty pan for $name."),
+														]
+
+		self.bacon = [ "smokey bacon",
+			"back bacon",
+			"Stegt Flæsk
+			"Slavink
+			"Szalonna
+			"Salt pork
+			"Samgyeopsal
+			"pigs in blanket
+			"pig candy
+			"Mitch Morgan
+			"Kranjska klobasa
+			"Jambonette
+			"Hangtown fry
+			"Guanciale
+			"Fool's Gold Loaf
+			"Čvarci
+			"Chocolate covered bacon
+			"Chicken fried bacon
+			"BLT sandwich
+			"Bacone
+			"Bacon ice cream
+			"Bacon explosion
+			"Bacon bits
+			"Bacon and egg pie
+			"Bacon and cabbage
+			"Angels on horseback
+			"Æbleflæsk
+			"streaky bacon"
+			"smoked back bacon"
+			"dry cured bacon"
+			"honey cured bacon"
+			"hand-reared" ]
+
+	def execute( self, message ):
+		bacon = random.choice( self.bacon )
+		bacon = "%s %s" % (bacon)
+		name = message.FromDisplayName
+		template = random.choice( self.templates )
+		message_out = template.substitute(name=name, bacon=bacon)
+		return "/me %s" % message_out
+
+
+
+

commands/cheesecommand.py

@@ -0,0 +1,153 @@
+from string import Template
+import random
+
+class CheeseCommand(object):
+
+	def __init__(self):
+
+		self.templates = [ 	Template("begrudgingly serves $name $snack."),
+							Template("slices up some $cheese with the wrong end of the knife. Punts it to $name."),
+							Template("fists a pile of $cheese and smears it on a napkin. Teases $name with it."),
+							Template("breaks out a new packet of $cheese. Thinks it's too good for $name, puts it away."),
+							Template("looks at $name and bakes up a box of $cheese."),
+							Template("thinks that $cheese is best for $name. They both stink."),
+							Template("pulls out a glob of $cheese. Rubs it across a plate for $name"),
+							Template("winks and produces some $cheese from under the counter for $name"),
+							Template("cries, it was $cheese that caused his wife to leave him. $name is barred."),
+							Template("demands cash up front before giving $name a slither of $cheese"),
+							Template("throws a pound of $cheese at $name. 'That is for Britain', he shouts."),
+							Template("is ready to give it all up and move to France, living off $cheese."),
+							Template("empties his pockets, and a musty lump of $cheese falls out. $name snaffles it up."),
+							Template("kindly offers $name some Carr's Water Biscuits with their $cheese."),
+							Template("juggles a handful of pickled onions before pulling some $cheese from behind $name's ear"),
+							Template("suggests that if $name wants some $cheese then they bloody well ask nicer for it."),
+							Template("idly clips his toes onto a plate of $cheese and passes it to $name."),
+							Template("gives $name the (finger) for asking for some $cheese."),
+							Template("is so excited that $name wants some $cheese, he calls for a (poolparty)"),
+							Template("peels back the wax paper from the $cheese. Powers it across the bar to $name.") ]
+
+		self.snacks = [ "Bath Blue",
+			"Barkham Blue",
+			"Blue Monday",
+			"Buxton Blue",
+			"Cheshire Blue",
+			"Devon Blue",
+			"Dorset Blue Vinney",
+			"Dovedale",
+			"Exmoor Blue",
+			"Harbourne Blue",
+			"Lanark Blue",
+			"Oxford Blue",
+			"Shropshire Blue",
+			"Stichelton",
+			"Stilton",
+			"Blue Wensleydale",
+			"Yorkshire Blue",
+			"Appledore",
+			"Berkswell",
+			"Bonchester",
+			"Brie",
+			"Somerset Brie",
+			"Cornish Brie",
+			"Brinkburn",
+			"Caithness",
+			"Caboc",
+			"Caerphilly",
+			"Cheddar",
+			"West Country Farmhouse Cheddar",
+			"Applewood",
+			"Coleraine cheddar",
+			"Cheshire",
+			"Appleby Cheshire",
+			"Chevington",
+			"Coquetdale",
+			"Cornish Pepper",
+			"Cotherstone",
+			"Cotswold",
+			"Coverdale",
+			"Croglin",
+			"Crowdie",
+			"Derby",
+			"Double Gloucester",
+			"Goosnargh Gold",
+			"Dorstone",
+			"Dovedale",
+			"Dunlop",
+			"Farleigh Wallop",
+			"Farmhouse Llanboidy",
+			"Fine Fettle Yorkshire",
+			"Goldilocks",
+			"Black Eyed Susan",
+			"Golden Cross",
+			"Gruth Dhu",
+			"Harlech",
+			"Hereford Hop",
+			"Huntsman",
+			"Ilchester",
+			"Innkeepers Choice",
+			"Isle of Mull",
+			"Lancashire",
+			"Beacon Fell",
+			"Lincolnshire Poacher",
+			"Little Wallop",
+			"Katy's White Lavender",
+			"Kidderton Ash",
+			"Lord of the Hundreds",
+			"Lowerdale Goats Cheese",
+			"Pantysgawn",
+			"Parlick Fell",
+			"Red Devil",
+			"Red Dragon",
+			"Red Leicester",
+			"Rothbury Red",
+			"Red Windsor",
+			"Sage Derby",
+			"Single Gloucester",
+			"Stinking Bishop",
+			"Sussex Slipcote",
+			"Swaledale",
+			"Teviotdale",
+			"Tintern",
+			"Waterloo",
+			"Wensleydale",
+			"Whitehaven",
+			"Yarg",
+			"Wild Garlic Yarg",
+			"Wiltshire Loaf",
+			"Woolsery Goats",
+			"Village Green Goat",
+			"Brunost",
+			"Gamalost",
+			"Geitost",
+			"Gudbrandsdalsost",
+			"Jarlsberg",
+			u'Nøkkelost',
+			"Norvegia",
+			"Pultost",
+			u'Snøfrisk',
+			"Edam",
+			"Gouda",
+			"Leerdammer",
+			"Leyden cheese",
+			"Maasdam",
+			"Old Amsterdam",
+			"Parrano",
+			"Vlaskaas",
+			"Camembert",
+			"Brie de Meaux",
+			"Roquefort",
+			"Boursin",
+			"Reblochon",
+			"Munster",
+			"Pont l'Évêque",
+			"Époisses",
+			"Chèvre",
+			"Tomme de Savoie",
+			"Y Fenni", ]
+
+	def execute( self, message ):
+		cheese = random.choice( self.cheese )
+		name = message.FromDisplayName
+		template = random.choice( self.templates )
+		message_out = template.substitute(name=name, cheese=cheese)
+		return "/me %s" % message_out